Sunday, February 26, 2012

Its ok to have fun!

the prison wife Last night, I went to a birthday party. I drank, I stayed out late and I had a ton of fun. That shouldn't sound too out of the ordinary for someone my age but for me, that was a big accomplishment. It took me a while to get back to feeling comfortable "celebrating" while my other half was locked away in a jail cell. Honestly, it just felt "wrong" to have fun. Instead of being joyous occasions; holidays, birthdays and parties were accompanied by an emptiness, a silent sadness.  Often, I wondered how standing in the middle of a crowded room could make someone feel so lonely.

I'm not sure what prompted the day or how it came about but eventually I realized that there was no sense in cutting myself off from the world. Adam was in jail and nothing would change that. Whether I went out and had fun or sat in the self-inflicted prison I created in my mind, he was stuck there regardless. Slowly I learned how to separate the two and began allowing myself to have fun again. I learned that I needed those escapes to keep my sanity, which actually strengthened my relationship in the long run. It also eliminated the guilt he often felt for me neglecting myself. 

Now don't get me wrong, I'd be lying if I told you it was always easy. We are only human, somedays are more of a struggle than others. I still choke away tears at weddings and cried myself to sleep last New Years Eve with a promise that next year will be better. I left myself feel the emotions then promise myself to try to have more good days than bad. Its the only way for me to survive this life. So today, I'm passing along some strength, a smile and a simple validation that its okay to go out and have fun. I promise you'll feel so much better for it. Love and hugs, The Prison Wife

Saturday, February 25, 2012

When it isn't all perfect

Marriage isn't perfect, everyone married knows that it. It takes effort, everyday. Every single day. Today it has taken a lot of it. And of course everyone has their little arguments and disagreements, but unlike other couples - we can't walk away and come back to talk about later. It's "You have one minute remaining," and then silence.


Then I have to wait for him to call back, once we have cooled down to come back again and talk about it. Which again is another 15-minute call. But luckily Tom and I have developed good communication skills so when an argument does happen we can talk about it and snap back to us.

Like tonight.

So even though we don't necessarily see eye-to-eye on a particular issue, we have to move on, we need to. We need to move on because what other choice do we have, waste another 15-minute call for $4.65 per call? Sit there and argue back and forth? I have realized that it is a waste, even if he was home. Be mad over some that will be meaningless tomorrow? You have to let go, especially in these circumstances. There comes a time in your life when you stop what you're saying, and think. Think about not only what your saying but what you're doing. Unless you are arguing over something really damn important, why do it? You have to analyze whether what the issue is, is even worth the energy. Tonight it wasn't. Tonight was a little off but it's all good. You have to remember not to let it get to you, and keep it moving.

Nothing is perfect. But it is alright.