Thursday, October 20, 2011

He's stronger than he thinks!

Well finally, after what seemed like forever, I received a letter today from my husband. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see his name in the top left-hand corner of an envelop in my mailbox. It just brings me a sense of peace and comfort when mail finally arrives from Texas. As long as my husband is writing then I know that he's OK.

Today's letter had a bit of a sombre tone to it. He was clearly in an enormous amount of pain and that is not something I take lightly at all. He is as tough as nails so for him to openly admit he is hurting is saying a lot. He seemed at his wit's end and he was unsure what to do about it. He was frustrated and he was irritated. He's not getting any real relief from the pain that he's in 24/7 and the one thing that could relieve all of his pain is the one thing that the prison won't do and that's surgery. So, he does the best he can because, at this point, there is no other choice. He has always said that he will do what he needs to do to come home safely to me and by the livin' Jesus he is doing just that.

As you all know, it's been over a year since we've seen each other and we don't often talk about the last time we saw each other. Surprsingly, in this letter he talked about it. For some reason, some women think that if a man really, truly loved them he would remember absolutely everything about them; every outfit they wore, every good hair day they had and most certainly every word they have ever said. I've never put that expectation on my husband so when he remembers something that I think he might not have paid attention to, it makes me smile. He remembered the last time we saw each other in New York right before he went back to Texas. He remembered the smile on my face when I saw himm the jeans that I wore and he remembered how he felt and what was going through his mind when I had to leave him after our visit. He remembered how important it was to him not to break down in front of me and he remembered how heartbroken he was when I left. He stayed strong for me and it is that strength he showed then and continues to show now that will get me through this time without him.

You see he always talks about how he gets through this time because of me and today was no different. Today, he said "it's been because of you that I've held it together through the courts, the chains and the pain". You see each time my husband went to court, I wasn't there and I have felt guilty about that every single day. He stood there and faced all that negativity alone and it was my place to be there with him and I wasn't and I feel that I failed him. If you were to ask him, though, he would tell you that I was with him the entire time; in his heart and in his soul. It will, more than likely, take me a little while to forgive myself but with the love of my husband all things are possible.

by Kimberley Ledbetter

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Soul Mates

~~The supreme state of human love is the unity of one soul in two bodies~~

If you had to describe your soul mate, what would you say? There are probably a few little catch phrases you might use like “we belong together” or “we were meant to be”. But what does it take to be soul mates?

I am not really sure that I know the answer to that question and I am not sure that I ever really believed in there being one perfect person for each of us…until now.

So, how do I know that my husband is my soul mate?

Well for starters he is American and I am Canadian and while that may not be such a big deal and may not qualify as making you soul mates, you need to know that my husband is from Texas and I am from Ontario – 3,000 miles apart.

My husband had another life before me and I had another life before him. He lived the fast life and in the public eye. I was a stay-at-home, work-at-home mom raising two children on my own. We didn’t know it then, but there were times when we were both in the exact same place at the exact same time and we never met.

Like my husband says, being soul mates is not just about love and being in love, it’s a lifestyle. To me, it’s a state of awareness that there is an incomplete soul looking for you that won’t rest until it’s found it’s other half.

For those that have yet to experience what it is like to find their soul mate, all I can tell you is that when you find it you will know. Everything will finally make perfect sense.

As a prison wife, there are a lot of what if moments and this life can break you if you let it. But if you have truly found the man you have always been meant to be with, those what if moments will serve as a connection and a bond that can never be broken.

My husband and I have a connection that continues to amaze me but not surprise me. We have had all real time communication taken away from us and still we are connected. We not only finish each other’s sentences but answer questions that haven’t even been asked yet. When you have finally found your soul mate you can't imagine your life without him. You can't remember what your life was like before him and even if you could, would that life matter? You can remember the first time you saw him, the first time he kissed you, the first time he told you he loved you. You can go right back to that moment in time.

You can feel his heart beat right alongside yours even though you haven’t seen each other in a year. You can remember the sound of his voice and his laugh and the way he makes you feel when he says “can I ask you a question?”

While I didn't know it at the time, I found my soul's other half in September 2009 and while he may be sitting in a prison in Texas 3,000 miles away from me, our souls are right where they belong...home!

by Kimberley Ledbetter

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